In this second post on using logical consequences with kids, I want to discuss some more important principles of using the technique. These principles help us use logical consequences in a way that’s loving, practical, and sets our kids up for success…
As we continue to talk this month about using logical consequences with our kids, I want to focus on some very important principles of how to use them. If we don’t use consequences wisely and lovingly, particularly with kids who have suffered trauma, we can unwittingly compound the damage…
Returning to our theme this month of logical consequences, I want to talk about one very important principle — logical consequences only work with a lot of nurture and love. It’s easy to concentrate on the high structure part of letting kids learn from the consequences of their actions. At the same time, we can’t forget that our focus is on letting our kids learn — and they will learn best when we are there to empathize and help them learn. Logical consequences is all about both…
Today is National Siblings Day, and a good opportunity for foster parents to remember how important it is to keep our kids connected to their siblings. Not many people can foster an entire family of children. When we can parent only one or a few children in a family, or some siblings remain with biological family, we need to take on the added responsibility of helping our kids stay in touch with their brothers and sisters...
Sometimes when raising other people’s children, it’s difficult to tell whether we are having any impact at all. Our kids often seem so mired in the aftermath of their trauma that we can’t see how to help them move forward. A recent study gives us hope that our simply being a supportive presence in our kids’ lives can make a profound difference…
In my last post, I talked about how we define and think through logical consequences. In this post, I want to discuss why logical consequences work well for kids who have experienced trauma. There are several profound benefits that make logical consequences better than either lectures or unconnected penalties that we often try to use with our kids…
For the next few blog posts, I want to talk about one of the most important techniques I’ve found for helping children who have suffered trauma, which is using the logical consequences of their behavior. In some cases, we simply need to stand aside and let them learn from the consequences, such as getting a bad grade after waiting until the last minute to complete a project. Other times, we need to actually engineer a glimpse (a safe glimpse) of how the world works. In my next posts, I’ll discuss principles for using logical consequences, but first we need to establish exactly what I’m talking about…
Our theme this month is making a commitment to our foster or stepchildren and setting healthy boundaries for them. But we always have to keep in mind that trauma can skew our kids’ reactions to our best efforts. Children who have experienced trauma generally respond to boundaries differently than those who haven’t. It’s crucial for us to understand these trauma responses while we are trying to protect our kids and provide structure…
Today is Tolkien Reading Day. It’s a good excuse for me to revisit my favorite author and think about what his writings and various fairy stories can teach us about this month’s theme of commitment…
As I discussed in my last post, commitment is the cornerstone of parenting in foster and blended families. However, healthy commitments can never be unlimited. We should love our kids unconditionally, but healthy commitments are never unconditional. We must establish healthy boundaries in order to protect and grow our relationships with our children…
When stepping into the role of a foster parent or stepparent, you may hear that all you need to do is love your kids. Love is wonderful and essential, but it is not enough. Love alone won’t sustain your challenging relationships with children who have suffered trauma. Commitment — unwavering, realistic, and bone-deep commitment — is the only foundation for building a healthy relationship…
An excellent article from Nature magazine explores the research showing that children benefit from risky play. Mental health professionals are discovering that children allowed to stretch their limits in uncertain and adventurous play benefit both physically and emotionally. Those opportunities allow them to develop coordination and spatial awareness, but also confidence and resilience. A study from Norway that spearheaded the field found that adolescents who spent less time in positive thrill-seeking — such as outdoor adventure — were more likely to take negative risks such as shoplifting. A more recent study from Britain found that during the COVID-19 lockdown, children who spent more time in risky play had fewer mental health problems…