For many families, September 11th brings back fear, loss, and disbelief. Adults who watched the towers fall often relive that morning every year, even decades later. Foster, adoptive, and stepfamily parents recognize this pattern from a different angle. Our children have hard anniversaries of their…
The first time I tried a real vacation with a foster child, I planned it the way I would have planned any family trip. I researched the destination, planned the transportation, and made sure we had entertainment and snacks. What I had not planned for…
One of my friends had a foster son who once melted down when asked to do the dishes. Not acting out, but a freeze — eyes wide, breathing shallow, body rigid. They had no idea why until months later, when they learned he associated that…
April 23 is Take a Chance Day—a lighthearted observance that celebrates spontaneity, taking risks, and the willingness to try something new. The internet fills with posts about skydiving, asking out a crush, launching a business, or ordering something unfamiliar off a menu. The underlying message:…
Your biological child watched their foster brother throw a plate across the kitchen. Your daughter heard her adoptive sister screaming at two in the morning—again. Your son from your first marriage flinches when his stepsister slams a door. You understand that you’re often seeing trauma-driven…
Spring invites us to open windows, clear out what we no longer need, and make room for what serves us better. Most people apply that impulse to closets and garages. Plan B parents—foster, adoptive, and stepparents —need to apply it somewhere deeper: to the invisible…
A landmark 12-year longitudinal study reframes what your organization can do—and why it matters. Many staff members and leaders in youth-serving organizations carry a quiet tension. They engage with the ACE research, they understand the cumulative weight of adverse childhood experiences on the children and…
You probably didn’t expect parenting to feel like a siege. You opened your home, your life, and your heart. And then you waited — for connection, for trust, for the moment when something finally shifted. Maybe you’re still waiting to see your kids healing from…
Yesterday was Groundhog Day, a holiday that, because of one of my favorite movies, has become forever linked with repeating the same day over and over. That’s a familiar sensation to parents. We get tired of repeating ourselves, but we want to try to help…
This past month has given us all a lot of gut-punches, from the shooting in Minneapolis to the murders in Charlotte and Utah to the anniversary of 9/11. I won’t repeat the many eloquent essays on how to view these…
As the school year starts, one of the most important skills we Plan B parents can develop is how to advocate for our kids with the educational system. Childhood trauma—whether from abuse, neglect, family separation, or other hardships—can disrupt concentration, memory, and…
As a Plan B parent, you know firsthand how profoundly trauma can affect your child’s emotions, behaviors, and sense of safety. With the school year starting soon, or already started in some areas, we may soon be dealing with school issues…