Foster, Adoptive, & Blended Families

Foster, Adoptive, & Blended Families

5 Principles for Knowing What It Means to Treat All Our Kids the Same
ByDebbie Ausburn March 12, 2024

One mantra we hear as foster and stepparents is to treat all of our kids the same. It’s also much easier said than done. Stepchildren and foster children often will accuse us of treating our biological children as our “favorite.” It’s not a complaint we can counter with words. We have to live it out and let our kids see that we love them equally. But first, we have to look at ourselves and understand how to think about the problem…

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Foster, Adoptive, & Blended Families

What to Do When You Don’t Like Your Foster or Stepchildren
ByDebbie Ausburn March 7, 2024

It’s easy to talk about building good relationships with foster and stepchildren, but what if you don’t like your kids? It’s very difficult to find the motivation to build a close relationship, or even a marginally good relationship, with someone whom you don’t like. This dilemma is a more common situation that we want to admit, but we shouldn’t be surprised when it happens. I was fortunate in that my stepchildren were generally delightful, but I have parented foster children that I had to struggle to like and care about. While I never found a magic solution, I was able to find several principles that helped us move toward a more positive relationship…

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Foster, Adoptive, & Blended Families

Building Healthy Relationships by Giving Kids Space
ByDebbie Ausburn March 5, 2024

One of the biggest challenges to parenting other people’s children is establishing a good relationship with them. One important foundation in forging a healthy relationship is to give our children plenty of space. I like to think of that space in terms of emotional space, physical space, and a space of their own, all of which I have found to be essential to any solid family relationships. This month, as we discuss principles for our relationships with our children, let’s start with how to give them that space…

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Foster, Adoptive, & Blended Families Research

Science Says the Best Treatment for Depression is Exercise
ByDebbie Ausburn February 22, 2024

Depression among young people has become a serious problem, particularly during and after the COVID lockdowns. The problem is compounded for children who have suffered trauma, and those of us parenting those kids need as many tools in our toolkits as possible. There’s good news for our kids, a recent survey of international studies found that exercise can be one of the most effective treatments for alleviating depression…

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Foster, Adoptive, & Blended Families

How Stepparents Can Find Their Lanes
ByDebbie Ausburn February 20, 2024

One recommendation that stepparents hear frequently is “don’t overstep your bounds,” or “stay in your lane.” It’s an important principle to remember, but it can be frustrating because it’s rarely clear where your lane is. Furthermore, as your relationship with your family deepens, and especially as your children get older, that lane changes. So how do we as Plan B parents figure out where our lane is at any given time? This week, let’s discuss some principles for figuring out where we fit into our unusual and challenging families…

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Foster, Adoptive, & Blended Families

5 Tips for Being An Awesome Single Foster Parent
ByDebbie Ausburn February 15, 2024

Today is Singles Awareness Day, an unofficial holiday apparently designed to counteract the emphasis this week on Valentine’s Day. I’ve never been a big fan of the holiday, even as a single person, because it always seemed to me to have an artificial “make lemonade out of lemons” vibe. But it’s a good time to revisit a common question I hear, which is whether and how single people can be foster parents. I can say with no hesitation that it’s a challenging task, but raising other people’s children as a single person can be a wonderful and profound experience…

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Foster, Adoptive, & Blended Families

Five Tips for Learning to Appreciate Our Imperfect Spouses
ByDebbie Ausburn February 13, 2024

Given that Valentine’s Day is coming up, this week is a natural time to focus on appreciating our spouses. But sometimes we don’t feel very appreciative, particularly during the difficult journey of parenting a blended or foster family. One of my closest friends once confided, “I need a Valentine’s card this year that says, ‘I love you, even though you are absolutely completely wrong about our last argument.’” Many married couples can sympathize with that sentiment…

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Foster, Adoptive, & Blended Families

Navigating Healthy Boundaries with Biological Parents
ByDebbie Ausburn February 8, 2024

One of the most important ways to avoid conflict and strengthen your marriage in a foster or blended family is to agree on clear boundaries with your child’s biological parents. Establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries is essential for all of you. Boundaries support healthy relationships between your children and their birth parents, give your family members security and structure, and help avoid conflict in your marriage. In this blog post, I’ll explore why we set boundaries and which ones to set…

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Foster, Adoptive, & Blended Families

Areas of Agreement Essential to Keeping Your Marriage Strong
ByDebbie Ausburn February 6, 2024

An important, even essential, part of protecting your marriage in a blended or foster family is to be certain that you and your spouse have agreed on ground rules in several common problem areas. Managing (and minimizing) these conflicts requires clear communication and solid agreement between the adults in the family. In this blog post, we’ll explore the most common areas of potential conflict where parents need to be on the same page in order to cultivate resilient family relationships and get through difficult times…

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Foster, Adoptive, & Blended Families

Four Important Reasons You Need to Prioritize Your Marriage
ByDebbie Ausburn February 1, 2024

Last month, we discussed why self-care is an important foundation for a strong family. This month we’ll discuss why our next most important priority needs to be our marriages. Those of us with foster and bonus children need to make having a successful marriage a top priority, even ahead of our children. This principle goes against our instincts and our current child-centered culture, but it is the right thing for our families on many levels…

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Foster, Adoptive, & Blended Families

How Foster and Stepparents Can Set Important Boundaries with Kids
ByDebbie Ausburn January 25, 2024

One of the most important things those of us raising other people’s children can do for ourselves is set clear boundaries of how we expect to be treated. Setting boundaries within foster or blended families can be difficult, but it’s an essential part of mutual respect and a healthy relationship with our family members. Furthermore, setting and enforcing personal boundaries can be an excellent way to model for our children the self-respect that they need in order to grow into resilient and happy adults…

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Foster, Adoptive, & Blended Families

Parents Need Mentors, Too — How and Where to Find Your People
ByDebbie Ausburn January 18, 2024

One of the most important things foster and stepparents can do to take care of themselves is to build a strong network of supportive adults, including good mentors. Up to 50% of foster parents quit within the first year. According to some estimates, more than 2/3 of second marriages fail, and one big reason may be the difficulties of blending two families. If we are going to have any hope of keeping our relationships with our kids together, we need wise friends to help us navigate the minefields. So make it one of your self-care priorities this year to find your people…

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About YSO Insights

Evidence-based ideas and resources for youth-serving organizations and Plan B families, written by Debbie Ausburn, J.D., Donna Caudell, Ed.D., Gena Hood, Ed.S., Amber Jewell, LSCSW, and Tom Rawlings, J.D.

→ YSO Academy - Online courses and CE credits
→ YSO Partners - Child Protection Culture, Not Just Policy
→ Child Protection & Well-Being Trends -- Tom Rawlings' Substack about policy and best practices in child protection
→ Caudell Educational Solutions - consultation and testing for public, private and homeschool students
→ Hood Educational Services, LLC - training for teachers and student teachers
→ Amber Jewell - blog and speaking/training services
→ Youth Services Law -legal insights from Debbie Ausburn for youth-serving organizations