A School Counselor’s Advice for Helping Your Child Have An Awesome Start to the School Year
Starting back to school can be both exciting and frightening, particularly for Plan B families. It is normal for students to experience a period of strong emotions, both positive and negative, as the school year begins. Trauma can add an extra layer to that stress. Here are some techniques for making their school year start with a bit less stress.
Have Positive Conversations
Be sure to have some conversations with your children about their concerns for the upcoming school year. As you talk with your child, allow them to express their feelings without correction or judgment about whether or not they should feel that way. For example, don’t tell your child, “That is silly. You shouldn’t be afraid of going back to school.” Let them talk while you take the role of listener.
This can be a difficult conversation for many of us. As adults, we want to jump in, share our own experiences, point out the errors in their thinking, and help the child fix their problem. For this conversation, we just need to listen and encourage our kids to express their feelings without commentary. Be present as you talk with your child. Try to use words that encourage the conversation, such as, “I didn’t realize that” or “Tell me more.”
Make sure to use phrases that promote your child to continue talking rather than shutting down the conversation. Saying things like, “Well, that was dumb,” “You should have known better,” or “You would’ve been in trouble if I had known that,” are guaranteed to shut down a conversation with your child.
Be honest with your child about the struggles of the upcoming school year. There will, without a doubt, be challenging and stressful situations for everyone during the school year. Instead of telling your child that they are going to have the best school year ever and that everything will be wonderful, tell them, “I know there may be some challenges for you, but you can always talk with me. Just know that we always have your back.”
Create Positive Traditions
Another good idea for a positive beginning to the school year is to establish some traditions that your kids can look forward to from year to year. Our family stumbled into a tradition of going out to breakfast together on the first day of the school year. I would love to say that this tradition was established through deep thought and wise parenting, but the reality is that we simply decided to go to breakfast on the morning of our son’s entrance into first grade. After that, the kids would remind us that we needed to leave for school in time to eat breakfast before heading out on the first day of each school year.
This tradition followed our family all the way through our kids’ years in elementary school, high school, and even into college. We all looked forward to getting together and talking about the upcoming year. What began by accident became a cherished tradition in our family.
It doesn’t have to be breakfast if that doesn’t fit with your family’s schedule. Some families I’ve talked to do something the week before school starts, and that is just as much fun and just as much of a bonding activity as doing something on the first day of school itself. The idea is simply to enjoy doing something together in honor of the beginning of school. This gives your kids something to look forward to as they begin their new adventure in learning.
Manage Your Own Stress
Entering a new school year is also a good time to pay attention to the amount of stress you, as the parent, are under. The back-to-school process can be tough on parents! You may have some anxiety and frustration about your child going back to school. And, of course, there is always the pressure of getting ready for the new school year.
You may need to buy new clothes, school supplies, and other necessary essentials. You may need to adjust to a new schedule based on your child’s bus route or pickup time. Or you may have to get up earlier in the morning to get your child to school on time. You may have to make adjustments at work in order to accommodate after-school daycare for your child. These are just a few of the adjustments that parents may be required to make during the new school year. All of these adjustments and pressures can be very stressful for adults.
Be careful to keep an eye on your stress level and attitude. The beginning of the school year can be very hectic, and you may find that things don’t go as smoothly as you would like. For instance, you may find that you are not happy with your child’s class placement. Maybe you wanted a different teacher for your child. Or maybe you did not want your child to be in the classroom with another child for a particular reason… Remember that it is not possible for the school to accommodate every wish for every child and parent.
You may find yourself frustrated and aggravated by things that you feel are not equitable in the classroom. It is perfectly acceptable to address those concerns with the teachers, counselors, or administrators. However, be careful not to address those concerns or show anger and frustration in front of your child. Your child will undoubtedly pick up on your frustration. That may cause them to experience stress and anxiety simply because of your own stress and frustration.
This does not mean that your stress or concern is not valid. But it is very important that you express your concerns in a calm and adult manner that does not escalate your child’s anxiety about being in the classroom.
A Final Thought
The first week of school isn’t about having the perfect start, it’s about creating a safe place to begin.
Students don’t need adults who have all the answers. They need adults who listen, encourage, and remind them that they belong, even when school feels overwhelming.
When students know someone believes in them, they’re much more likely to develop the confidence to face new challenges.
Sometimes, “I am here if you need me” are the six words that may be exactly what a student needs to hear during the first week of school.
Want to go deeper? Our online course, Becoming the Mentor in Our Child’s Story (free), explores what it means to be the steady presence a child needs, not the person with all the answers.
