Back to School: Tips from a (Retired) Principal
A Fresh Start
A few mornings ago, I was out in the neighborhood, walking off my previous indulgences with sweets, when I saw a sight I had not seen in a while. A school bus. The Cheese. It was the first day of school for our public school system. As my eyes met those of the driver, I made the praying hands symbol. She and I used to work together, as she drove for the school where I cut my chops as a principal.
The beginning of a school year is a wonderful time, because it is a fresh start, a blank sheet of paper or an empty computer screen with a flashing cursor. Each year, your family gets to write its educational story anew. Sometimes, this opportunity produces eagerness, and other times, past experiences cause it to produce anxiety.
Be of good cheer! As a former principal, now retired, I have some tips for you. You might be surprised to learn that I learned these not so much as a principal but mostly as a parent.
Choose the Right Educational Model for Your Family
First of all, choose an educational model that suits your family’s needs and values. Today, there are so many possibilities: public school; homeschool; private school; hybrid models of some days in-person and some days at home; hybrid models of some days online and others at home. Two-parent families, where both parents work full-time and who may or may not have a good extended family support system, will have more limited options. Same for single parents. You may choose public schooling out of necessity, more than out of choice. However, this is a critically important decision, one for which you may need to shift some family priorities in order to get the good match you want. It is critically important that your schooling model aligns closely with your family’s value system. You want a system and a curriculum that is going to be teaching not only the rudiments of each subject, but also the worldview that underpins both. Otherwise, you are turning your precious children over to a world system that will fight against what you are trying to teach your children at home.
Partner With the School, Don’t Just Drop Your Child Off There
Secondly, make it clear to your child that you are in partnership with the educational entity. None of this “what happens at school stays at school” stuff. You want to create the expectation that you want to know what went on at school when your child comes home each day. This will have to be a culture you, as the parent, deliberately create. Ask about each subject and what was studied. Ask about your children’s interactions with other children. Once you get this repartee established, your child will become more accustomed to it and will talk honestly with you about his or her schooling experiences. If you establish this habit when your child is young, they will come to expect it and will work with you, even during the wild middle school years. Let your child know that you are not doing this to criticize or second-guess the school. If you are not comfortable with the school’s approach, then this second step is useless. You are only doing more harm than good if you use your child’s provided information inappropriately. If you show distrust of the school, your child will develop the same attitude.
Talk to the Teacher, But Don’t Wear Her Out
Third, communicate regularly with the teacher, but don’t “nickel and dime him or her to death”. Depending on the grade, the teacher has anywhere from 20 to 150 students he or she sees in a single day. You don’t need to send any of your child’s teachers a daily email! However, a letter sent during pre-planning to the teacher, telling her about your child, is a good idea, often much appreciated. The teacher has access to your child’s permanent record – – test scores, notes from previous teachers, previous report cards, etc. However, the teacher won’t know that your child lost his grandparent over the summer, or that he had a major surgery, or that she is slow to make friends, or that she has developed a new allergy … unless you make that type of information known.
When Concerns Come Up, Start Close to the Source
After the year begins, concerns will possibly arise. Address those concerns as closely as possible to the point of origin. For example, if it is a bus problem, try to catch the bus driver at the stop and make a quick inquiry. Don’t hold him or her up from their route, however. And, for goodness sake, don’t try to board the bus. That is a huge no-no. Maybe slip the driver a note and ask him or her to call you. If need be, then contact school administration. If the issue is with the teacher him- or herself, go directly to that teacher. If you go over the teacher’s head, the administrator is likely to send you right back to the teacher anyway. So, you will have wasted your time, the admin’s time, and irritated the teacher to boot. If the teacher can’t resolve the issue, then take it higher up the food chain. Keep in mind that when you talk with your child about issues, you are only getting your child’s perspective. There is a whole ‘nuther set of info out there of which you are blissfully unaware. Don’t get ruffled until you have the complete picture. Seek to first understand… And, one of my personal favorites, don’t say, “My child would never”, because I can assure you that any child can “never” and often the sweetest little cherubs “never” all over the place!
Encourage the People Teaching Your Kids
Encourage your child’s teacher(s) as much as you can. Even a card of encouragement goes a long way. Believe me, teachers put those notes up where they can see them, and they read them when the going gets tough, which is pretty often these days. Volunteer at the school in some capacity, if you possibly can. This is deeply appreciated. Even if you go in for one hour a week to make copies for a teacher, that can be a big help. It does not have to be a weekly appointment, though. Show appreciation and partnership with the resources you have available.
Are you “armed and ready”? Best wishes for a fabulous school year! Soak up every minute. It really flies by!
Want to go deeper? Gena authored one of our on-demand courses, Identifying the Gifted Child, that walks through how to recognize a gifted child’s needs early and advocate for the right fit at school.
